I hate the person I see when I look in the mirror

I'm 29 years old and I have wasted my life. I wasn't very good in school so I never went to college and educated myself. I kept to myself all through school most of the time; so I don't really have any friends and I never learned how to make any. TWENTY NINE YEARS! and nothing to show for it. No family of my own, no husband, or children, I don't even have a boyfriend. I don't drive, or even have my own place.


How does someone live this long and have nothing to show for it? I've never finished a damn thing in my life. I did actually go to college but it wasn't for anything useful and I quit a couple weeks into my second semester.


Other then my family I've never had anyone love me. I desperately want to be in love so much that it hurts and at times when I was with a man I convinced myself I loved him, but I was wrong...I never really loved him at all. I feel sometimes that I'll never fall in love. That I was never supposed to be happy.


I was never one of those people who could picture themselves in the future with their adult children gone and just spending the day on my front porch old and wrinkly with mt husband.


Maybe I just have no imagination but I just couldn't picture that and it scares me to hell!

Computer failure

Well my laptop has gone kaput! when it does work i have to type very slowly to get the letters to come up because my typing is too fast... the thing is like 5 years old so what can i expect really. I think i'll go look online for a replacement .... oh goodie time to get my hopes up :P

Ahhh 2010 ... How much will this year suck?

As is my ever positive outlook on life, I'm guessing that this year will be just as sucky as last year. Along with my ever growing girth my self-esteem seems to be at an all time low Yippy! ... you know something is wrong with you when you look at the men that find you attractive in disgust lol that is not good :P

HOWEVER!

I'm hoping that I can give myself a kick in the ass and get in a better shape then I am in now and take some classes at the Uni here ... wish me luck!