I hate the person I see when I look in the mirror

I'm 29 years old and I have wasted my life. I wasn't very good in school so I never went to college and educated myself. I kept to myself all through school most of the time; so I don't really have any friends and I never learned how to make any. TWENTY NINE YEARS! and nothing to show for it. No family of my own, no husband, or children, I don't even have a boyfriend. I don't drive, or even have my own place.


How does someone live this long and have nothing to show for it? I've never finished a damn thing in my life. I did actually go to college but it wasn't for anything useful and I quit a couple weeks into my second semester.


Other then my family I've never had anyone love me. I desperately want to be in love so much that it hurts and at times when I was with a man I convinced myself I loved him, but I was wrong...I never really loved him at all. I feel sometimes that I'll never fall in love. That I was never supposed to be happy.


I was never one of those people who could picture themselves in the future with their adult children gone and just spending the day on my front porch old and wrinkly with mt husband.


Maybe I just have no imagination but I just couldn't picture that and it scares me to hell!

Computer failure

Well my laptop has gone kaput! when it does work i have to type very slowly to get the letters to come up because my typing is too fast... the thing is like 5 years old so what can i expect really. I think i'll go look online for a replacement .... oh goodie time to get my hopes up :P

Ahhh 2010 ... How much will this year suck?

As is my ever positive outlook on life, I'm guessing that this year will be just as sucky as last year. Along with my ever growing girth my self-esteem seems to be at an all time low Yippy! ... you know something is wrong with you when you look at the men that find you attractive in disgust lol that is not good :P

HOWEVER!

I'm hoping that I can give myself a kick in the ass and get in a better shape then I am in now and take some classes at the Uni here ... wish me luck!

uuhg

Now I ask you ...has boredom actually killed anyone yet? ... cuz I may be it's first victim ... I can't believe I'm saying this but i think I may actually want a job just to stop the boredom ... my only problem is I really don't want a job that involves talking to people ... I was thinking of taking some classes ... that would occupy me .... Maybe i'll check out the college "Continuing education thing" meh Let us seeee.... I could learn a new language ... Japanese :D $205 yikes ... maybe there's a cheaper language Dutch is only $141 ... I don't know ... 

So far so bored

Well ... it hasn't been BAD per-say just ... boring really ... I mean I'm sure I could ask my dad to take me somewhere but I don't know where to go... I don't know what to do .... should I ask him to take me to the mall ... but how boring .... uugh I don't know

Home at last

I have made it! I'm in Oshawa ... Ahhhhh ... Ya know I don't understand why people think i'm so ... I don't know ... weak? why they think I need a bunch of stuff to make me happy. Maybe it's just my depression but Idon't NEED half the stuff people think I do ... yeah I enjoy the internet and TV and Movies ... but If I lost all that I'm sure i'd be fine. I mean locked in a room with nothing to do is one thing but if I had no cable and no internet connection... so ... I still have my books and my movies I'm fine with that ... fuck

THURSDAY!!!!

I'm getting the fuck out of here on Thursday!!!! Thursday can you stand it??? not me :D :D :D Can't fuckin wait! Two more sleeps as my nieces would say lol and then I'm Out! Ahhhh can't wait! I still have to finish Packing but that's a sinch All I have to do is pack what's under the sink ... And I have to clean out that fish tank ... hmmm should I keep that??? I could always get fish down the line ... yeah I think i'll keep it